The Adventures of Noel

9:22pm: Pussies in a Box
If you know my Aunt, you know she's the quintessential "Cat Lady".  So for the past several months we've had these feral cats that have moved into our backyard.  There's the mama cat, and the 4 kittens - which are now pretty big.

Anyway, I had to catch them because everyday I get to hear about how we need to move to a larger house so we can have a cat farm and raise all the cats and let them multiply.  All she does is talk about these cats.  So finally me and my sister and Josh decide to capture them and take them to the animal control shelter...

So here I am, decked out in three layers of clothes to avoid getting scratched and catching a flesh eating virus - wielding a laundry basket.  It was awesome.  One cat that I managed to trap inside the house managed to jump 8 feet into the air and land on top of the kitchen cupboard...

So I caught 3 of the 5.  Mama cat and one other are still at large.  The animal control is closed tomorrow, but I have Monday off.  Round two...

8:45pm: Photo Blog
I've started a daily photo blog.  Each day (read whenever I remember) I'll take one photo, and post it to the blog.  See what I've come up with so far:

http://ophidianx.blogspot.com/

11:10am: Random Musings
Went to Russell's place for "game night" last night to see his new condo in Factoria.  Good to see him and Tiffany again, had been a while.  Also saw Yoshi for the first time in a while.  It was a pot luck, so I brought my Mac n' Cheese dish, which went over pretty well.  Played some fun games, like Chez Geek, Apples to Apples, Ticket to Ride, as well as some obligatory Magic with some casual multi-player decks of Russell's design.  I don't mind the occasional casual game, but competition really is where my heart is in Magic.

Speaking of competitive Magic, PT Valencia was this weekend.  The format was Extended, and the first day of the event was canceled due to flooding.  So they ran 10 rounds on Saturday, and three rounds on Sunday morning before cutting to a Top 8.  Man, that would be grueling.  Constructed formats, especially one as large as Extended, are SO difficult to prepare for.  I tried my hand at a qualifying circuit of this format back when I lived in KC two years ago, and essentially to appropriately prepare for a constructed format like this you need a team of dedicated players to test the format.  It would be a lot of fun if you could arrange it, but at least for the near future I'm going to stick with Limited formats.

Speaking of which, the PTQs for PT Kuala Lumpur start up next month.  The format for the PTQs is Lorwyn Sealed, with a Top8 Booster Draft.  I'm planning on attending the PTQs in Portland, Seattle and Vancouver BC. Should be a lot of fun if I can get a few folks to ride along with.   I'm really feeling pretty energized about competitive Magic - I need a lot of practice though, as the few events I've played in recently have shown me that I have a lot of rust.  Still, some dedication and focus should knock that rust away - I'm planning on drafting Wednesdays and Fridays at First Pick Games, and am going to try to study the limited format for Lorwyn quite extensively.

Well, the Seahawks played the worst game I've seen in years last weekend.  They got shut out in Pittsburgh 21-0, falling to 3-2.  Arizona is also 3-2, but has a win over us.  Tonight we play the Saints on Sunday Night Football - the Saints, after winning like 13 games or something last year, are 0-5 so far.  Let's hope we don't stumble - though we usually play well at home.

12:34pm: 100000 in Binary
Thursday was my 2^5th birthday.  That's 32 to you non-geeks out there.

Didn't do a whole heck of a lot on the actual day, but today I'm going to El Gaucho for dinner w/ Katie, Josh and Kyra.  We're also going to see Michael Clayton beforehand.  I don't know much about it, so we'll see how it is.  I saw 3:10 to Yuma a few weeks ago, that was really good - I'd go see it if I were you.

Tomorrow some other family are coming over, and we're doing a brunch thing while watching the Hawks / Steelers game.  Hopefully we can take revenge for that travesty of a Super Bowl two years ago.

Last week we celebrated National Customer Service Week at work - fairly lame if you ask me.  We did such amazing things as "wear a goofy hat" day.  Yeah - outstanding.

A new card shop opened near the U-District (First Pick Games).  Looks pretty cool - we did some Lorwyn drafts there last week.  Hopefully I can make it to at least one draft each week - would really like to re-hone my draft skills again.

This has been your random update for the day =)

8:37pm: Stand Inside Your Love
I swear that Billy Corgan and I have secretly been living the same life.  He's written songs that pertain exactly to how I feel, years before I have lived enough in the context that he is illustrating to feel that way.

Stand Inside Your Love
Smashing Pumpkins

you and me
meant to be
immutable
impossible
it's destiny
pure lunacy
incalculable
inseparable

and for the last time
you're everything that i want and asked for
you're all that i dream

who wouldn't be the one you love
who wouldn't stand inside your love
protected and the lover of

a pure soul
and beautiful
you
don't understand
don't fear me now
i will breath
for the both of us
travel the world
traverse the skies
your home is here
within my heart

and for the first time
i feel as though i am reborn in my mind
recast as child and mystic sage

who wouldn't be the one you love
who wouldn't stand inside your love

for the first time
i'm telling how much i need and bleed for
your every move and waking sound in my time
i'll wrap my wrap my wire around your heart
and your mind
you're mine forever now

who wouldn't be the one you love and live for
who wouldn't stand inside your love and die for
who wouldn't be the one you love

2:12pm: Christian Story
 I am going to post here a story that I read on a website where they were debating the veracity of Christianity.  It's a story in which the person who wrote it is attempting to illustrate the arrogance of science.  When I have a little more time I will respond with my thoughts about this story, but for now you can just read it.

***

"LET ME EXPLAIN THE problem science has with Jesus Christ." The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand. "You're a Christian, aren't you, son?"
     "Yes, sir."
     "So you believe in God?"
     "Absolutely."
     "Is God good?"
     "Sure! God's good."
     "Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?"
     "Yes."
     "Are you good or evil?"
     "The Bible says I'm evil."
     The professor grins knowingly. "Ahh! THE BIBLE!" He considers for a moment. "Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help them? Would you try?"
     "Yes sir, I would."
     "So you're good...!"
     "I wouldn't say that."
     "Why not say that? You would help a sick and maimed person if you could...in fact most of us would if we could....God doesn't."
     [No answer]
     "He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Hmmm? Can you answer that one?"
     [No answer]
     The elderly man is sympathetic. "No, you can't, can you?" He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. "In philosophy, you have to go easy with the new ones. Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?"
     "Er... Yes."
     "Is Satan good?"
     "No."
     "Where does Satan come from?"
     The student falters. "From... God..."
     "That's right. God made Satan, didn't he?" The elderly man runs his bony fingers through his thinning hair and turns to the smirking student audience. "I think we're going to have a lot of fun this semester, ladies and gentlemen." He turns back to the Christian. "Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?"
     "Yes, sir."
     "Evil's everywhere, isn't it? Did God make everything?"
     "Yes."
     "Who created evil?"
     [No answer]
     "Is there sickness in this world? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness. All the terrible things - do they exist in this world? "
     The student squirms on his feet. "Yes."
     "Who created them?"
     [No answer]
     The professor suddenly shouts at his student, "WHO CREATED THEM? TELL ME, PLEASE!" The professor closes in for the kill and climbs into the Christian's face. In a still small voice, he asked, "God created all evil, didn't He, son?"
     [No answer]
     The student tries to hold the steady, experienced gaze and fails. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace the front of the classroom like an aging panther. The class is mesmerized. "Tell me," he continues, "How is it that this God is good if He created all evil throughout all time?" The professor swishes his arms around to encompass the wickedness of the world. "All the hatred, the brutality, all the pain, all the torture, all the death and ugliness and all the suffering created by this good God is all over the world, isn't it, young man?"
     [No answer]
     "Don't you see it all over the place? Huh?" Pause. "Don't you?" The professor leans into the student's face again and
     whispers, "Is God good?"
     [No answer]
     "Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?"
     The student's voice betrays him and cracks. "Yes, professor. I do."
     The old man shakes his head sadly. "Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?"
     "No, sir. I've never seen Him."
     "Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?"
     "No, sir. I have not."
     "Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus... in fact, do you have any sensory perception of your God whatsoever?"
     [No answer]
     "Answer me, please."
     "No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't."
     "You're AFRAID... you haven't?"
     "No, sir."
     "Yet you still believe in him?"
     "...yes..."
     "That takes FAITH!" The professor smiles sagely at the underling. "According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son? Where is your God now?"
     [The student doesn't answer]
     "Sit down, please."
     The first Christian sits...defeated.
     Another Christian raises his hand. "Professor, may I address the class?"
     The professor turns and smiles. "Ah, yet another Christian in the vanguard! Come, come, young man. Speak some proper wisdom to the gathering."
     The Christian looks around the room. "Some interesting points you are making, sir. Now I've got a question for you. Is there such thing as heat?"
     "Yes," the professor replies. "There's heat."
     "Is there such a thing as cold?"
     "Yes, son, there's cold too."
     "No, sir, there isn't."
     The professor's grin freezes. The room suddenly becomes very quiet. The second Christian continues.
     "You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit 273 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold, otherwise we would be able to go colder than -273°C. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it."
     Silence. A pin drops somewhere in the classroom.
     "Is there such a thing as darkness, professor?"
     "That's a dumb question, son. What is night if it isn't darkness? What are you getting at...?"
     "So you say there is such a thing as darkness?"
     "Yes..."
     "You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something, it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light... but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, Darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker and give me a jar of it. Can you... give me a jar of darker darkness, professor?"
     Despite himself, the professor smiles at the young effrontery before him. This will indeed be a good semester. "Would you mind telling us what your point is, young man?"
     "Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with and so your conclusion must be in error...."
     The professor goes toxic. "Flawed...? How dare you...!"
     "Sir, may I explain what I mean?"
     The class is all ears.
     "Explain... ohhhhh, explain..." The professor makes an admirable effort to regain control. Suddenly he is affability himself. He waves his hand to silence the class, for the student to continue.
     "You are working on the premise of duality," the Christian explains. "That for example there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science cannot even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism but has never seen, much less fully understood them. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, merely the absence of it." The young man holds up a newspaper he takes from the desk of a neighbor who has been reading it. "Here is one of the most disgusting tabloids this country hosts, professor. Is there such a thing as immorality?"
     "Of course there is, now look..."
     "Wrong again, sir. You see, immorality is merely the absence of morality. Is there such thing as injustice? No. Injustice is the absence of justice. Is there such a thing as evil?" The Christian pauses. "Isn't evil the
     absence of good?"
     The professor's face has turned an alarming color. He is so angry he is temporarily speechless.
     The Christian continues, "If there is evil in the world, professor, and we all agree there is, then God, if He exists, must be accomplishing a work through the agency of evil.¹ What is that work God is accomplishing? The Bible tells us it is to see if each one of us will, of our own free will, choose good over evil."²
     The professor bridles. "As a philosophical scientist, I don't view this matter as having anything to do with any choice; as a realist, I absolutely do not recognize the concept of God or any other theological factor as being part of the world equation because God is not observable."
     The Christian replies, "I would have thought that the absence of God's moral code in this world is probably one of the most observable phenomena going, Newspapers make billions of dollars reporting it every week! Tell me, professor. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?"
     "If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do."
     "Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?"
     The professor makes a sucking sound with his teeth and gives his student a silent, stony stare.
     "Professor. Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?"
     "I'll overlook your impudence in the light of our philosophical discussion. Now, have you quite finished?" the professor hisses.
     "So you don't accept God's moral code to do what is righteous?"
     "I believe in what is - that's science!"
     "Ahh! SCIENCE!" the student's face splits into a grin. "Sir, you rightly state that science is the study of observed phenomena. Science too is a premise which is flawed..."
     "SCIENCE IS FLAWED..?" the professor splutters.
     The class is in uproar. The Christian remains standing until the commotion has subsided. "To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, may I give you an example of what I mean?"
     The professor wisely keeps silent.
     The Christian looks around the room. "Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's mind?" The class breaks out into laughter. The Christian points towards his elderly, crumbling tutor. "Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's mind... felt the professor's mind, touched or smelt the professor's mind? No one appears to have done so." The Christian shakes his head sadly. "It appears no one here has had any sensory perception of the professor's mind whatsoever. Well, according to the rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science, I DECLARE that the professor has no mind."
     The class is in chaos.
     The Christian sits.

3:47pm: Diet and Exercise

Approximately two years ago, I sat down and decided that it was rather silly that I worked for a fitness company (Precor), and wasn’t taking advantage of all the free perks that come with the gig.

 

We have free access to much of the fitness equipment, and I’d been noticing that I’d been putting on a few pounds, so I figured what the hell, I’d do something about it.

 

A few years previous I’d really taken an interest in cooking.  Prior to that, other than just eating what tasted good, I never really gave much thought to food or nutrition.  Having spent a lot of time learning various things about cooking, I came to learn and understand a lot about the chemistry of food, and the effects of nutrients on your body.

 

Now, I’m far from a doctor, but I figured I may as well put this knowledge to use.  Combined with my free access to a gym, I figured I’d design a simple diet, and stick to it. 

 

You hear a lot in the popular media about diet fads, or about magical fitness equipment that can transform your flabby gut into abs of steel in 7 minutes.  Everyone is always looking for the easy way out – the magical pill, the simple diet, etc.

 

What’s funny is that losing weight and getting into shape is easy.  So easy that in truth I’ve come to realize that the entire economy surrounding diet fads and exercise equipment is almost exclusively preying upon the psychology of American consumerism, who feel that in order to feel like they’re doing something about their health, they have to spend money on it.

 

People buy treadmills, and read up on Atkins.  They buy Weight Watchers.  They complain that diet X doesn’t work for them, etc.

 

Let me let you in on a secret – there’s only one way to lose weight, and it works the same for everyone.

 

If you expend more calories than you consume, you will lose weight.  Period.  It’s physically impossible not to.

 

Now, there are many things that can make this more or less beneficial.  If you simply stop eating, you will definitely expend more calories than you consume.  But you’ll die, too, which is an obvious bummer of a side effect.

 

I’m not going to get into the whole science behind everything involving nutrition.  I’m just going to tell you what I do.

 

On March 3^rd 2007, I weighed 227 lbs, and was growing a nice beer belly.

 

Today is August 29^th, 2007, approximately 6 months later.  I weigh 198 lbs, and have significantly higher muscle mass than 6 months ago, meaning that I have lost significantly more than 30 lbs of fat. 

How did I do that? 

 

Diet and exercise.

 

I developed a simple method to accelerate my metabolism, defecit in calories without starving myself, maintain proper nutrition, and get enough exercise.

 

Taking advantage of the fact that most human beings exist in some sort of routine, I turned that routine towards my advantage. 

 

People get up, go to work, come home.  They go through their daily routine in a relatively comfortable manner.  I simply built in steps into this routine to put me on a path to better health, and it works really well because it’s not all that hard.

 

Monday through Friday, I work 7 to 4, and take lunch from 12:30 to 1:30.

 

I get to work usually 15 minutes early or so, and I make breakfast.  I eat a can of black beans, which is high in fiber (an important dietary component, of which most Americans are deficient).  Along with that, I take a vitamin supplement, and a calcium supplement.

 

At 7am, 8am, 9am, 10am, and 11am, I drink a protein shake.  This shake is approx 120 calories, and 20 grams of protein.  Protein is essential for helping build muscle, which is a good way to increase your metabolism.

 

12:30 I exercise – Monday and Thursdays I do weights.  Tuesday, Wednesday I do running on an elliptical.  Friday I don’t exercise at lunch (I go out with a couple friends for lunch).  After I’m done exercising, I eat a healthy lunch typically consisting of fruit (usually grapes, apples and/or blueberries), cottage cheese, and ham.  This lunch is low in fat, high in protein (except the fruit, which is just plain good for you). 

 

After work I repeat the same exercise I did at lunch that day.  Friday I run (since I didn’t work out at lunch).  That’s from 4 to 5.

 

For dinner I try to eat something healthy – usually some kind of meat, and some vegetables.  I stay away from breads (high in calories).  Typically I have a glass of milk.

 

Once you figure out your metabolism, the key is to basically eat about 500 calories a day less than what you consume.  This will generally result in you losing 1 pound in a week’s time.

 

Saturday I run around a track for about 45 minutes.  Sunday I watch football.  And the best part is I eat anything I want on the weekends.  It’s important to actually eat more calories than you expend over the weekend, because if you deficit in calories EVERY DAY, your body will respond by dramatically decreasing its metabolism, which makes it much harder to get results.

 

So – that’s it.  If you have the discipline to work out twice a day, and maintain a fairly controlled diet, you will get results.  Is this too hard?  When you consider the alternative, not really. 

 

My goal is to basically get into the physical condition of a NFL defensive back.  They usually weigh in the area of 190lbs, and are pure muscle.  It seems far fetched, but in 6 months time I’ve come a long ways.  I bet in another year I’ll be there – and I’m so used to this routine now that there’s no reason I can’t do this for the rest of my life. 

 
Give this a try for a month.  You'll see dramatic results.  Take some photos of your body at the beginning, and after 1 month's time.  The results will encourage you to continue.  Hey, if every once in a while you break down and eat something high in calories during the week - no big deal.  This is a long term thing, one day doesn't matter.  I go out with friends on week days for drinks quite often.  The important thing is that over the long run, you'll get to where you want to be.  I've set the ball in motion in the right direction.

 

 

3:19pm: A kiss remembered.

We were visiting your mother in Port Townsend for the weekend.  As we often did, we had spent much of the day strolling the beach, and viewing the beautiful scenery from her cliff-side house, overlooking the Sound. 

 

The house is old, and like much of the architecture in that part of town, very Victorian.  Our bedrooms were connected by a corridor that served as a closet. 

 

I remember how sleepy you were that evening, tired from traveling and walking all day.  You had settled into your soft blue pajamas with the white sheeps on them.  I remember enjoying watching you change into them – the mixture of annoyance, frustration and amusement at your modesty, as you would turn away from me to slip the top over your head.  Watching the soft rolls of your flesh as you shimmied into and out of your clothing.  You were too tired to mind that I was spectating – and down inside I think you actually wanted me to.  I live for no greater reason than to validate for you your own beauty – I could go on forever about watching you undress.

 

I walked over and embraced you in a good night hug.  You slid under your covers, and into your bed, eyes already closed.  I knelt down to kiss you goodnight, expecting just a quick peck on the lips, as you were half asleep. 

 

Our lips met.  Your lips were parted, warm, moist and inviting.  I was momentarily stunned at the passion in your kiss.  So soft, so luscious.  I couldn’t tell if you were intending to have this effect on me, or if it was a sleepy accident.  I began to return that kiss with a likewise passion – to wrap my arms around you, to pull your body upwards into mine. 

 

We kissed passionately for too few minutes – caught between the desire to climb into bed with you and pursue this further, and to honor our oft-lamented boundaries. 

 

It’s a battle I still fight.

 

 

9:21pm: The Horror...

It is right for the righteous to be angered by the presence of evil. 

Boy, this journal really is turning into ground zero for my philosophical ravings, isn’t it?  I keep having this paradoxical thought process going on in my mind, but I think I’ve actually thought my way out of it.  This may get a little esoteric.  Care to observe?

Part I – The Paradox.

Why do I hate 80’s music? 

Not withstanding the fact that I am far from an expert on 80’s music, and allowing for the fact that I pretty much detest generalities, the truth of the matter is that there are trends in society, and certain things carry corresponding connotations regarding these trends. 

Country music, McDonalds, Wal-Mart:  All of these things carry baggage (at least in my mind) of bland American soullessness.  Now, I love this country.  There is a lot of good here.  I love the Jeffersonian vision of an educated and industrious society.  But an unfortunate bi-product of being the most powerful and affluent society on the planet is that it apparently lends to a vapid attitude towards culture.

In the opening scene of Apocalypse Now, Martin Sheen’s character begins the film with a drunken soliloquy about the nature of the American military vs. Charlie (the Viet-Kong).  He says something to the affect of “Each day I stay in this room, I get weaker.  And each day Charlie squats in the bush, he gets stronger”.   

Our grandfathers returned home from World War II, and the baby boom began.  We set up shop, had tons of kids, and spoiled the crap out of them.  Three generations later, what has resulted in many instances are obese Americans whose idea of cultural immersion is eating at TGI Fridays before going to see Creed.

Essentially what I’m driving at is this – true cultural artistry (be it music, cuisine, fashion…) is about the expression and appreciation of beauty.  Perhaps it’s a character flaw within me, but I find myself offended when presented with an infantile expression of artistry that the perpetrator intended to be deeply meaningful.

I say to myself something along the lines of “Man, this meant so much to you, and all you could come up with was THAT?  Have some respect for yourself!”

That sounds highly judgmental and haughty, but it’s true. 

When I went to Janine’s church, all of these people are dancing around and singing in such deeply genuine and meaningful attempts at expression of love and reverence for their faith.  And I find myself utterly repulsed by the absolutely terrible music.  I was really embarrassed for them. 

Don’t get me wrong – I find nothing wrong with the thought of humbling one’s self before “God”.  Dancing around, acting ridiculous, and all that stuff was perfectly acceptable to me – I actually like that stuff because it was genuine.  It was the music I found insulting.  The lyrics and music were terribly unsophisticated – and I kept finding myself thinking “Man, you love God this much, and THIS is what you come up with?” 

Now, I’m not expecting the 30 year old blonde singer chick up there to come up with Michelangelo’s David, or Beethoven’s 9th, but come on!  Have some pride.  The spur of the moment revelry and participation in the frenzied dance is fine, but the songs and music were all pre-meditated.  They had plenty of time to write and refine it.  From what I gathered in the year or so that I went there with Janine, they’ve been singing these songs for a while.  Time for some new material.

The reason I find these things distressing is because I appreciate the absolutely haunting beauty of the score to Gladiator.  I feel the look in Hans Zimmer’s eye when he describes what writing it meant.  Apparently I perceive myself as judging particular cultural groups as “beneath more refined expressions of beauty”.

But am I any better?

There is a paradoxical relativity involved here.  If I exist at point X on the “cultured scale”, and from my vantage point I judge people at point Y as being “culturally inferior”, cannot someone standing above me from point Z make the same assertions about me?

Yes, they can.

And what separates X from Y from Z? (I realize I’ve just assigned a fabricated geometric linearity to human culture, which is highly supposing and irresponsible, but apparently I’m already going to Hell, so I may as well go down swinging)

Many factors, but the one relevant to my point here is that I believe a very large influence on your ability to “be cultured” is a combination of a) how much culture you’ve experienced, and b) your ability to absorb and appreciate the cultural artistry you are experiencing.

Of those two factors, B is internal, while A is external.  Your ability to appreciate art is very much a personal trait.  It can change (mature?) over time, but your reactions to art are quite possibly the single most personally unique characteristic that a sentient mind possesses.

Quality A is very external, you can control how much culture you have experienced (how much you’ve read, traveled, etc).  But regardless of how much culture you have experienced, there will always be someone out there who has experienced more.

And if we judge a person as “inferior” on the basis that they have experienced less culture, that is like faulting a kindergartener for not appreciating Hamlet.

A recurring thought in my mind when trying to decide how to approach a topic is that invariably when wrestling with ideas of philosophy, religion, politics, or really any topic about which human kind has invested much energy to ponder, the odds are someone out there has already felt and expressed exactly what you are currently trying to.

For example, if I came up to you and said “I just had this great idea!  When it rains, and you have to walk somewhere, you can hold a nylon sheet over your head, and shield yourself from the rain!”

You’d probably think I was a moron for never having heard of an umbrella, and find it amusing how proud of myself I was that I had come up with such an obvious solution to being rained on. 

But that’s the thing – no matter the complexity of the discovery, the relevance of the discovery is no less important for the discoverer.  I will continue in this blog to express ideas – many of which have probably already been expressed by other people thinking about issues similar to my own.  My philosophical diatribe may be the Coldplay of human expressionism, but that’s where the solution I previously alluded to comes in.

Ultimately it doesn’t matter.  The reasons for me writing this aren’t to purport myself as a philosophical savant out to cure the world’s ills, or to bolster my own pride by showing off how eloquently and succinctly I can express my ideas.  Because, truth be told, while I think this essay is okay, if I really wanted to I could spend several years refining the ideas I’m presenting here.  And even after all that time I would still feel it could be improved.

In other words, I’m writing this for me.  I’m writing this because I feel like I have something that I need to express, and the only relevance to it is that these are my thoughts, and this is my expression of those thoughts.  That is the solution to the paradox.  The understanding that in an infinite universe, you will always grow, mature and improve; the humility to accept that you don’t understand a tenth of a percent of everything going on, but the pride to be confident and forthright in your opinions and of your place in the universe.

I don’t know everything.  I don’t understand everything.  But I like who I am, and I like the world I live in.  And I am very energized and enthusiastic about joyfully participating in the sorrows of the world.  I don’t feel like ultimately my life means anything beyond the effect I have on those around me, and I am fine with that.  I am ecstatic about it, because I love experiencing life.

Part II – Good, Evil, and my dilemma.

To restate my opening sentence - It is right for the righteous to be angered by the presence of evil. 

Deciding what is right and what is wrong is a prickly pair.  Ultimately, however, all humans have to figure that out for themselves. In today’s society of moral relativism, it is somewhat politically incorrect to refer to one’s self as righteous. 

I agree that all people have both good and evil tendencies, but that’s a different topic for a different time.

I have a very specific topic that I want to address here, and I feel that in order to appropriately do it justice, the entire concept of relative culture (as stated in Part I) was necessary to broach (if not exhaustively explain).

As is obvious to anyone who talks to me for long (or, as you’ve read above, reads much of what I write), I often use movies as examples to illustrate points I want to make.  This time I’m going to use Bram Stoker’s Dracula.

If you are unfamiliar with the story of Dracula, allow me to summarize – Prince Vlad of Sechelt goes off to fight in the Crusades.  While away, a Muslim soldier fires an arrow into Vlad’s castle with a letter attached to it, carrying false news of his death.  His wife, Elizabeta, reads the letter, and in her grief she jumps off the castle wall. 

Vlad returns home, and finds that his wife has died.  In his grief, he renounces God, and vows that basically he’s going to rise from the grave and avenge her death for all eternity.

He becomes Dracula, an undead hellion who ravages the countryside for centuries.  However, in the late 19^th century, he comes upon a woman named Willamina Murray (Mina), who is the reincarnation of Elizabeta, and they are reunited.  The power of their love essentially overcame the boundaries of time and death.

Yes, it’s grandiose. And yes, my summary is far from doing it justice.  But there’s a point in there – love is important to people.  Probably the most important of all things. 

Now, I don’t believe in reincarnation, the undead, destiny, soul mates, etc.  But I do believe in love.  And because I believe it to be one of the most important forces in our lives, I am faced with a dilemma.

I love a woman.  And this woman loves me.  But our relationship has been severed because she is a Christian, and I am not.

I do not believe in Christianity. 

Allow me to explain what this means, from my perspective:

I love a woman, and she loves me.  But there is an outside influence that is perverting the relationship. 

How much do you value the woman you love?  When do you stop fighting for her?  If the woman you loved got cancer, would you give up on the relationship? 

Janine would define herself as a Christian.  Because of this, there are many characteristics within herself that she believes exist because of her Christianity.  I do not believe this to be true.  When I look at Janine, I do not see a “Christian Woman”.  I see Janine.  All of her beauty, splendor, foibles – those are all her.  And I love all of her.

From my point of view, Christianity (and, from my limited experience, the concept of organized religion) is evil.

I didn’t always feel this way.  It’s taken a lot of soul searching and reflection to come to that conclusion.  I’ve never much cared for religion, but I’ve never thought of it as evil either.  But now I do.

It’s human nature to demonize the things that you have perceived to have done you harm.  Most people I know would act if they perceived someone they cared about being beset upon by an influence they felt was detrimental. 

The quandary that I find myself in is this:

I love and respect Janine as an individual who has a beautiful mind of her own.  I have no desire to control her or to change her.  I want her to be free to express herself in any way she feels. 

But I feel that an outside influence is corrupting her and is causing her significant harm.  (Somewhat disturbingly, this mirrors how Christians feel about non-Christians – that they are being harmed by their lack of salvation in Christ).

Where is the line drawn?  People will advise me that I have to let her make her own decision.  If your wife wanted to try heroin, would you stand by idly as she ruined her life (and yours)? 

It is true that Janine is not my wife.  And it is probably unfair of me to assert the same “responsibility” towards her as a husband would to his wife – but guess what?  I don’t believe in the traditional sense of marriage.  I believe in love, and commitment between lovers.  I will never love Janine more than I do now – so I feel no less obligated to act in her interest that I would if I were her husband. 

So, do I give up?  Do I stand idly by and let our love deteriorate as she spends these next several years praying for my salvation?  Do I watch these last years of our youth flit away?  Do I accept that this wall is insurmountable? 

Or do I fight?  The battle is not one of rationality – I don’t need to take on the entire Christian church.  I don’t need to unilaterally disprove Christianity and all tenants of organized religion to everyone on earth.  Obviously, I can’t do that.  And perhaps selfishly, I don’t care to.  I just want one woman.  I want Janine. 

Is it ridiculous to think that I can do it?

Well, I’ve been writing this for hours, and it’s getting late.  I haven’t fully explained everything I had intended to in this go-round. I always find it baffling how essentially all the thoughts I’ve taken hours to express here have all been nebulously hovering around inside my head, and only take moments to think of, yet hours to explain.

Until next time.

 

 

5:23pm: It's Evolution, Baby...
So today I'm flipping through the channels on a lazy Saturday afternoon, and for some reason I end up on a Christian channel.

I have a lot of thoughts as it pertains to people's motivations to rally against forces that they perceived having done personal wrong to them, but I'll get to that another time.  For now I just want to rant about this one particular issue, and then go watch the Mariners, and the Hawk's pre-season game.

Anyway, here's what annoyed me.

The point of this show is how evolution is a lie, and that Darwinists are perpetuating a lie to the human race.  That creationists are the truth, and that if science were as fair and open-minded as it purports itself to be, it would have no problem allowing equal time for "both points of view".  They used this term ad nasuem - "both points of view".

This really pissed me off. 

Why?

Because the very foundation of their argument is self contradictory, and the people purveying this message seem completely oblivious to that fact.

"Both points of view".  The basis of their argument is that if science were fair, then our school systems would allow both evolution and creationism to be taught. 

The Christian Creationists on this show were very indignant about how arrogantly unfair the evolutionist culture was being by not giving a fair shake to both evolution and to creationism.  How unfair.  We don't allow "both sides" to be expressed.

Both sides.

Excuse me?  I'm fairly certain that there are more than two sides to this debate. 

If your stance is that science and our current educational system is faulty because we don't give equal time to all ideas to the origin of human existence, that's fine.  But to invoke this argument while completely ignoring the fact that there are literally THOUSANDS of religious faiths that each have a distinct view of how humanity came into being makes you look like what you really are.

You are being no less arrogant about your point of view than scientists are about theirs, but with far less to back it up.  This thinly veiled attempt at fanatical slander is the same crap that they use to try to perpetuate "intelligent design".

/end rant.

6:23pm: Collage
I made a music video.  Sort of.

CLICK HERE

3:14pm: Hello Kitty Kat

And now for a song:

say hello before you say goodbye
i should go, before you make me cry
she wants to bleed every drop inside of me
but i aim to please the little girl inside of me, too

yeah, yeah
you know i hate to say
oh no, i always stay
i don't wanna be like the others please

who is sorry now?
who is sorry now?
if i show you how
will you let me down?

slit my wrists and die a whore
love to love to love what you adore
i can give you anything, but please let me
be your everything... please

yeah, yeah
you know i hate to say
oh no, i always stay
i don't wanna be like the others please

who is sorry now?
if i show you how,
will you let me down?
will you let me down?

who is sorry now?
who is sorry now!?

my love is weakness
my love is oh so wrong
my love is sadness
my love is oh so strong
my teeth are razor sharp
my love is fucking strong
i'll be with you but not for long

oh, oh, oh

yeah, yeah
you know i hate to say
oh no, i always stay
i don't wanna be like the others please

who is sorry now?
who is sorry now?
who is sorry now?

if i show you how
will you let me down?
will you let me down?
please let me down
please let me down

9:46pm: Sunday, July 15, 2007

My, how time flies.

The nature of blogs is that, in theory, the people who subject themselves to reading them are those that know you to some degree.  Oftentimes blogs are used as a method of posting current events in one’s life so that friends who may not see you every day can stay current on such interesting goings on as “Noel had scrambled eggs today” or “Terri moved to Guatemala” (occurrences of equal magnitude, given the nature of their respective lives).

If I were judicious in the use of my blog (read “I post more than once every 6-9 months”), I could actually keep you apprised of much of the pertinent details of the day to day rigmarole in my world without resorting to the  Lost-esque flashback recap method.

Alas, such is not the case; at least not now.  This is my attempt to remedy that.  Much of this will probably be overly wordy, or stream-of-consciously tangential, but I promise I shall try to keep this at least moderately coherent, informative, educational and entertaining.

The truth is that I have a lot to say.

I tend to be overly critical of and analytical towards my own writing.  This is antithetical to the concept of most blogs, which tend to read as a periodic confessional as the author gets the latest misadventures of his or her life of his or her chest in one rambling soliloquy.  In order to get everything said that I want said, I’m going to forgo most of my customary editing process, and just write it all out as it comes.  Some points may make sense, others may need explanation that may not immediately be forthcoming.

But hey, it’s my fucking blog.  And apparently, you’re reading it.  So, buckle up, Spanky, cause we’re in for a wild ride.  I promise, I AM taking you somewhere.

 * Queue background rumbling – FADE TO BLACK *

I have learned a lot over the course of the last year or so. 

Now, this is my blog, which focuses on the happenings of my life.  By that very fact, this may come off as somewhat egotistical and self centered – but hey, I can’t very well write about the experiences of someone else.

Other people may have their own opinions on specific events, and how they pertain to them and to me.  I can only write from what I know.  So here goes…

I am one unusual dude.
 
I’ve always had a somewhat healthy respect for my own self-worth, intelligence and morality.  I’m always learning and growing, but at the same time I feel that while I maintain an open and objective mind towards most things, I also find that since about age twelve I’ve had a pretty accurate understanding of what makes the world tick.

While I may not have understood the specifics of how and why other people live their lives the way they do, I feel I have a strong foundation within myself for living a good life.  I have a strong sense of inner goodness, which manifests itself in all kinds of various ways.

I am very loyal.  I find that relationships amongst friends and loved ones is the greatest thing we have in this life.

I am kind, giving, trustworthy, patient, understanding, passionate, and opinionated.  I can be funny, I can be brooding, I can be all kinds of things.

What has changed recently is, I believe, up until about two years ago, I just WAS those things.  Nowadays I’ve become much more aware of WHEN I AM those things.

What the fuck does that mean?

I used to hold my own sense of morality as something so innate that it was a no-brainer.  I would live my life, exist the way I felt was normal, and not give much thought to it.  I would observe how others existed, and learn whatever I did from whoever I did.

Lately, I’ve tried to come to view myself and my opinions from another perspective.  Instead of just “feeling how I feel” I’ve tried to actually become aware of the hows and the whys.  To be open and honest within myself, to learn what it is I want in life, and what I need to do to get it.

What I find interesting is that before I ever really overtly began examining the motivations behind my desires and actions, I feel that I was already living on a pretty enlightened plane.

What has mostly changed is that I have come to grips with the fact that most people in the world don’t live that way.  And I have learned a lot about myself and how I deal with other people’s effect on my life.

Essentially I’ve learned that you need to stand up for what you think is right.  You need to consciously examine the dynamics of your life’s situation, take the reigns, and press for what you believe in.

I am a firm believer in the sovereign independence of the individual.  I may not agree with you, but I will seldom tell you how to live or what to think.  I will live my life the way that I feel is right – and in so doing, hope that by my example you will be enlightened (I told you this would sound egotistical).

Unfortunately I feel that this “hands off” approach to directing people’s lives has caused a lot of pain.  Instead of directly taking action against things that I felt were wrong, I would “forgive and forget”.  I would hope that whatever happened, the person involved learned from their mistake, and would correct their actions.

The problem with that philosophy is that if that person is truly worthy of the sovereign intellectual freedom that I assumed they were, they wouldn’t have really made the choices that they did in the first place.  Or, perhaps I simply don’t understand all the dynamics involved.

There’s a lot of subtext to those ideals that I could espouse upon.  In one form or another I will as we continue (see, I told you this wouldn’t entirely make sense!).

Most, if not all, of those lessons are things I learned throughout my relationship with Stacy.  Neither she, nor I, were perfect people.

But how I look at things now is this – I had an innate understanding of what I wanted from that relationship, and I wasn’t good at communicating it overtly (sort of).  The truth is that when our relationship began, I was a much more mature, healthy and communicative person than she was.  That’s not an accusation, it’s just the truth.

When our relationship first began, I would write very detailed and expressive letters about the nature of our relationship to her.  Unfortunately I don’t think she was mature enough at 19 to understand most of what I was saying.  And being as new at relationships as I was then, I didn’t know how to deal with that properly.

What essentially happened was that because I wouldn’t get an equitable response, I stopped overtly communicating, and just lived.  I did what I wanted, I felt how I wanted to feel.  I was kind, I was giving, I was loving.  Unfortunately she had emotional issues that were trying to undermine everything in the relationship, and I didn’t know how to handle the dynamics that they introduced.  Eventually it wore me down.  I never attacked the problem head on – I would “forgive and forget”.  I numbed myself to the failures of our relationship, and focused on the good times.  Eventually the lack of communication eroded the whole thing to the point of it ending up the way it did.

I learned a lot about the necessity of communicating – even when I think the thoughts are so obvious as to be no-brainers.  “Communicate your needs.”  “Don’t try to kill yourself.”  “Don’t cheat on me.”  Those are just some highlights of things I would consider obvious.

Now, there are obvious underlying issues that existed to make the necessity of communicating those things relevant.  I’ve dealt with them, and perhaps will go into more detail at another time.

In the last two years a lot has happened.  I broke up with Stacy.  I moved away from her and Raine.  I quit my job and moved half way across the country.  I then moved back to Seattle, and subsequently fell in love with an amazing woman. 

And despite everything I know – any such mature wisdom about life, happiness, goodness, communication and love – despite Janine loving me and I loving her emphatically, it was torn apart by the concept of Faith.

It is the failure of this relationship, and the things that I learned from it that have spurned this renewed attempt at a blog.  I told you at the beginning of this three-plus page preamble that this is going somewhere, and this is mostly the direction it is going.

I’ve always considered religious people to be a little crazy.  But, for the most part, they lived their lives, and I lived mine.  There was little intersection between the two, and what little there was was seldom pleasant.

You see, the issues and concepts indicative of the dynamics in our lives and behind the varying goings on of religion are so complex that it’s almost mind boggling as to where to begin.  But, as I’ve said, it’s my fucking blog, and I’ll write it out how it comes out.  As you read this, I hope I spark thoughts and ideas in your mind – I hope you will be inspired to think, and hopefully relate to me, your opinions.

All I ask is that you respect me.  Much of what I am going to say here is very personal.  I only ask that you consider that many of the ideas here I have spent a great deal of time pondering, and I have a good grasp on much of it.  I’m not saying I know everything, but I do purport to have valid and pertinent insight to impart.

If you know me, the odds are at varying times over the past year I have brought up the concept of religion – and in all likelihood how it has impacted my relationship with Janine.

Janine is very Christian, and I am very… skeptical.  I won’t say I’m atheist, but I will say that I don’t believe that anyone on Earth has even a remote idea of the reality of anything supernatural.  I don’t believe in the God of the Bible, but I equally disbelieve in the pantheon of the ancient Greeks, or Judaism, Hinduism, Islam, or any other religion that I am familiar with.

It is my desire that at some point throughout the pages of this blog to give a fairly precise concept to you of what it is I believe, and my opinions on the nature of the beliefs of humanity.

As I said, before I knew Janine I had little intersection with religion.  Knowing her has opened my eyes to a lot of the dynamics of both our society and of the world.

But, it’s getting late, and I need to wrap up this latest installment.  I will end with a statement that I believe to be completely true.  It’s direct, and to the point.  It may be construed as arrogant. It may sound crazy. It’s wide-reaching, and sort of a no-brainer.  Yet I’ve never really heard anyone say it before.

I will preface the statement by saying that I define the word “belief” to be a synonym of “knowledge”.  (i.e. “I believe the world is round” is the same as “I know the world is round”).

Here it is:

No one truly believes in religion.

10:31pm: Blah
Figured I'd post something, though I don't have much to say.

The fundamental flaw in the concept of Blogs is that the only time you ever have time to post anything is when nothing is happening.

Thus seemingly anything that you do post will be boring, because nothing interesting would be going on in your life at that moment.

Or it would be old news, because anyone that would want to know about interesting things going on in your life probably alread would know.

Well... if you're interested in a few things that had gone on since my last LJ update, check out:

www.nsdi-games.com/noelblog.html

7:41pm: Saturday Evening Update
How things are going:

1) I'm drunk. So this may turn into some random incoherant stream of conscious thing of dubious spelling and/or punctuation. On top of that, I'm burning a DVD which slows down my PC, and my hard drive is apparently failing, both of which attribute to the fact that I can't see what I'm typing until I've typed 5 words ahead of it. So this may be interesting.

2) Why I'm drunk: For those of you who don't know, I've been in this contest run by Wizards of the Coast. The ultimate prize of this contest is that WotC hires you on as a Designer in their R&D Department for Magic (which, incidentally, would be the coolest job ever... it would be like being a crack addict and getting to taste test new flavors of crack before they hit the market). Anyway, I just finished Phase 3 of the contest, which is the semi-final round, and by far the most challenging. And I think I kicked its ass. The problem with participating in something as difficult and technically "obscure" as something like this is that no one you try to explain it to will have any clue or appreciation for exactly how difficult what you're doing is (or really have any clue wtf you ARE doing). Anyway, I nailed the assignment so I'm celebrating. But my GF is at the Puyallup Fair, and I'm home alone watching College Football, drinking, and playing Civ 4. But hey, I'd feel like a barnacle except I can't remember the last time I'd been alone for more than the time it takes me to drive to work, so HOORAY!

3) Tomorrow morning I am taking my lovely aforementioned girlfriend (one Janine Wilson, oft referred to as J9) to her first ever football game. Now, she's from Bermuda / England, so they don't play real football in those places. But, she's never been... and we got really good seats to watch the DEFENDING NFC CHAMPION SEATTLE SEAHAWKS open the season against the division rival Arizona Cardinals. Last week we won the season opener by a score of 9-6 in a game which saw more balls kicked than a rapist at a femanism convention. Seriously though, I think our team just had the Heeby Jeebies in that game. We were in Detroit, which is the scene of the crime of our Super Bowl ROBBERY of last season. This week we should look much better, as Arizona's defense is terrible (though they do have a good offense, or atleast a decent QB and two Pro Bowl caliber recievers). Should be a good game, and our seats are in the loudest part of the stadium, so J9 should be in for a treat =)

4) I'm planning many interesting and intricate goings-on for J9's upcoming 30th Birthday (which is the 16th of October). But, being that she may actually, though unlikelyly, read this, I'll refrain from mentioning specifics. Yes, I said unlikelyly. It's a double adverb. I can make those up.

5) The UW just won a game in which they were ahead 21-14, and Fresno State scored a TD at the end, attempting to tie it. But we BLOCKED THE EXTRA POINT! We win, 21-20. How odd.

6) If you like college football, today was a day for you - 7 games today featured 2 teams that were each nationally ranked. Do you realize that that has never happened before? A good day indeed.

7) News Flash: I'm Atheist, my beloved, dear, beautiful girlfriend J9 is, what I would refer to as, Fundamentalist Christian. This causes a very interesting tension in our relationship as one may imagine. But, far be it from me to do anything the easy way. I love her, so I'm jumping through all the lovely hoops and what have you's. Anyway, one such what-have-you is this thing called Alpha. If you don't know what it is, it's essentially what these Christian Types refer to as an "introduction to Christianity". It's supposed to be a forum for which they first present a topic (in the form of some dude on a screen reading some speech.. from a book which I'm currently reading)... then we discuss it as a group.

First off: I'm the only non-christian in the group (the group is roughly 10 peeps). You'd think this thing would be for non-christians who were interesting in Christianity, but I guess not... anyway.... as may or may not be apparent to people who know me, despite being fairly easy going and easy to get along with, I am fairly confident and vociferous of the competence of my own opinions. Ergo, when I do bring something to the table in this forum, I tend to ask things of complexity the likes of which I'm afraid may somewhat cause people to kind of... I don't know. Not know how to respond, I guess.

Anyway, that's going on... I've only been to one, but the second meeting is tomorrow night. I've prepared more questions that they can't answer for tomorrow, so we'll see how that goes.

Well, my rum is wearing thin and my wrist is sore from typing all this (well, actually it's probably more due to the fact that I type all day at work, and this isn't helping matters).

Sorry if that was boring, but I really don't care. I'm having too much fun =)

GO HAWKS!

9:30am: Universal Complexity
You ever feel caught in the conundrum that states if anything is interesting enough to actually write about or include on something like this journal, it will invariably take much more time to write than I have time for?

Life is an absolute maesltrom of things going on. Beyond the fact that most people simply don't care about what's going on, I believe I could actually turn it into some semblance of entertaining literature if only I wasn't so actively caught up in said goings on.

Perhaps someday, but not yet... not yet...

2:34pm: So, like, how's it goin?
Figured I may as well update this thing since I haven't written anything substantial in, well, like ever.

So, what's going on?

Well, just got back from a Labor Day vacation at Silver Lake! For those of you who don't know, Silver Lake is a park near Mt Baker, about 3 miles South of the Canadian Border in Whatcom County, WA.

I worked there as a ranger each summer from 1992 to 1995.

We had rented out a number of cabins. My lovely gf Janine and I stayed in Cabin #5. It had the nicest balcony, so we chose that one. In fact, we slept on the balcony most nights because the weather was nice and it was very peaceful out there.

My sister and her husband also came, along with much of his family. We had talked about maybe turning it into an annual tradition. That would be kinda cool, however the original impetus for this idea had involved more of a party atmosphere with lots of friends and drunk chicks than family and children.

Not that I mind family, but it was quite a different vibe that what I was intending. People need to stop sucking and get their shit together =)

On Sunday everyone else left, which left Janine and I alone at the park for two days. That was very fun. We were the only ones in the cabins that last day. We ended up hiking up Black Mountain, which overlooks the lake. I took a lot of cool pictures, which I'll have to attach once I find some webspace to host them.

Anyway, this Saturday we're going to see the Lord of the Rings Symphony at Chateau St Michelle. Should be good times, except that it's an outdoor symphony and their predicting rain. But the actual symphony themselves are under cover, so it's a go rain or shine.

I'll let ya know how it turns out ;)

And, of course, SEAHAWKS start up on Sunday. WOO HOO!